So the unbelievable happened this week. I didn’t gain any weight immediately following graduation festivities! I was a solid 207 until yesterday morning….That’s when the weight started to come back on. This morning I weighed 210. The first time my BMI said I was Obese since May 2011. Needless to say all of my insecurities rushed back. People would think I’m fat, I wouldn’t fit into my clothes, I wouldn’t be able to keep up with others playing sports, etc., etc., etc.,
For anyone who has gone through regaining weight, it is quite a struggle and more so in a mental way than a physical. For example, I know how to lose weight, every part of me knows the choices I need to make to get back on track, but for some reason there is something holding me back.
Today, I realized more of what that was. As many people will blog about, there is an emotional and mental journey one must take in the process of losing weight. I never understood that. I have always been driven to improve and change myself, but I felt like exactly the same person after as I did before. My perception of myself, my looks and abilities as well as my emotional feelings hadn’t changed much. This was good and bad. I never lost my roots or groundings of the person that I was, but I think to some extent, it also held me back. The same insecurities (mentioned above) continue (d) to haunt me. For this last year, I have still worried about other people’s perception of me, whether I was running enough or fast enough, whether I was attractive and so on.
What, I have come to realize, through conversation with a friend and some thought, is that while insecurity and doubt can fuel great changes such as losing weight it is important, no, NECESSARY, to understand where it is coming from. External Insecurity, seems to be a negative driving force. A force created by your perception of what is surrounding you. My lesson, and I hope it is useful or helpful for you in some way, is that the insecurity and doubt that affects my motivation should come internally rather than externally. It should come from not being satisfied because I am not the best I could be, not from comparing myself with others.
It is time to continue making positive strides and changes for myself.
I’ve been posting far far too infrequently lately! My capstone and end of the year projects have just consumed my time. But I am done with them now and all set to graduate next Monday so I will be back more consistently I promise!
Anyways, as far as weight goes, this week has absolutely sucked. I ballooned up to a weight I haven’t been since like March 2011. That weight was 212….I am now back to 207 and am hoping to be close to 200 by my graduation next Monday. That would mean I have to be pretty much perfect every day. The challenges are tonight (My dad’s birthday party) and Saturday night (Going out to celebrate graduation part 1). My goal is to eat a dinner that is less than 1000 calories on each of those nights (Today I will only eat about 500 cal. before dinner).
Going out that is hard to do, but we will be going for seafood, so a grilled fish will likely have less calories.
Wish me luck, I will check back in on Sat. morning and Monday morning of graduation!
Last Weigh In: 203.7
Today’s Weight: 203.9
Weight loss/gain: +0.2 lbs
Not a terrible two weeks considering all that has happened, but not ideal either, I really want to get below 200 again and feel overweight and bad about myself at my current weight. I haven’t been able to post as frequently due to the craziness of life, but I need to learn to take a second and put something up here even if it’s not all that interesting or good. I am about 3 weeks away from graduation on the other hand and life is going well! Hope you’re all doing well on your journey’s!
Last Month: 209.2
This Month: 203.7
Last Weigh In: 203.7
Monthly Weight Loss: -5.5 lbs
Loss since last Weigh-In: 0.0
Good and bad. The long term trend looks good, but wish I could have lost something over the last couple of weeks. As school starts to wind down, I should have more and more time to focus on my health. I hope all of your journey’s are going well!
If it’s not one thing it’s always another. The challenges just don’t stop. So far all that’s happened this week is my weight has gone up even after perfect days and working out. Unfortunately I am out of town this Saturday, so I’m unsure if I will be able to weigh in. I am going to weigh in on Friday and if I don’t get the chance then I will use that weight.
I’m just going to start these weigh-in’s over again as of last week. I think it will be too confusing to go back to the beginning.
Last weigh-in: 202.8
This Week: 203.7
The result is deceiving, I was at 204.8 on Wednesday, and 6.5 pounds in two weeks is unrealistic. To lose 5.6 lbs in 2 weeks/2.8 lbs per week is good progress!
Sometimes in life you’re thrown for a bit of a loop. This week, I had a bit of a health scare that has affected some of my workout schedule at least for this week. As such my weight is now about 2 pounds more than last weigh-in. I expected a bit of a bounce back or to stay the same this week as losing 6.5 lbs in a week, especially at my weight is a bit ridiculous. I am shooting for 1-2 lbs a week which means that 4 pounds over two weeks is a good loss and that is where I am at even with those two pounds. Hopefully, by Saturday, I can drop another!
Anyways, aside from the weight and the health scare, everything is going crazy, so much to do. On a good note, in 2 months I will have completed my masters degree!!!